when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
