can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
