Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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