So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
