i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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