Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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