If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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