I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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