Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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