he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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