So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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