apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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