I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
