you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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