Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
