I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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