just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
