As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
