i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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