if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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