just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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