Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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