this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
