Tell her she can't have a vagina
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
