i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
