I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
