I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
