In the future we'll all be gay
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
