I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
