tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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