I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
