After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
