apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
