Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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