this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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