i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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