I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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