You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
