dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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