dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
