Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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