saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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