Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
