What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
