If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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