I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Who died my cat blue again?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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