dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
