Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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