he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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