I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
