I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
