So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
