I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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