It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
