My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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