I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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