Ambien. No doubt about it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
