Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize